As a service to you, we here at the Snug Harness are going to break down some of the useful terminology and make fun of some of the stupid buzzwords that sales guys use to show you how “great” their fall protection is. So, with out any further ado, let’s pull out the first word from the Snug Harness Word Sack:
The Beamguard:
Definition: The Beamguard is an anchorage system that is placed atop a beam. Nuff Said.
Word Origin: I’m not sure where the name comes from, because in fact, this device does not guard the beam. From what I understand, two ton steel beams can normally protect themselves. Perhaps this word is meant to imply that you have a “guard” up there helping and watching you. It’s probably a good thing that it’s an inanimate object though, can you imagine how awkward it would be to have a uniformed guard watching everything you did? (Stay out of prison kids!)
Analysis: The Beamguard is mounted on top of a beam that is suspended some distance in the air. The main advantage that this product has over other products on the market, besides its good looks, is its ability to be used it in a horizontal lifeline system. You heard me right. Not only can this be used as a horizontal lifeline system, it also protects two workers in fall restraint. That means both workers could fall off simultaneously, and the Beamguard says, “not today work buddies!”
Another strong feature is its pole, it’s at an angle and that’s a good thing. The angled pole allows workers to pass by it while walking on the beam without having to mount, side step, or jump over it.
Unfortunately, the Beamguard can’t move with you (it’s lazy and sluggish). But in all reality, who cares? You can establish a horizontal lifeline, and voila, you can walk the beam baby! If you do need to move it don’t worry, it’s easy. The Beamguard won’t put up a fight; it doesn’t know how, and it doesn’t have fists. Now, just as the Beamguard is easy to move, it’s also easy to install. No tools necessary. So if you’ve ruined or lost all of you tools building a killer sand castle, don’t worry.
Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that a straight pole is a bad thing, it just means that you’re going to have to work with it a little more, and you must be extremely careful when moving around it.
Similar Terms:
Beam Sentinal
PolePatrol
The Thing on The Thing
The Shaft Stand (only kidding!)
Word Associations:
The Beamguard: Sure, I’ll take one. I’m going to be working on my television remote later and I don’t want that beam melting my retina.
The Beamguard: Are those people in a lumberyard that make sure you don’t steal and beams?
The Beamguard: No thanks, I’m sterile.
So, there you have it. It turns out that this product could actually save some lives. I’ll keep you updated. I hope you appreciated our dissection of the The Beamguard, and as always we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You’ll never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.
