The Snug Harness Blog

Das Boot

You could win this work boot.  Actually you could win this boot and its brother.  It would be pretty foolish to have a contest and only give away a single boot.  We know because we did it.  It was awkward. 

Here’s the deal, all you have to do is create an account at our new online store in the month of November.  Oh, and creating an account is free.  You don’t even have to buy anything.  (Frank wanted us to make you buy a single boot in hopes that you would be entered to win the matching boot.)  But after a company-wide vote, Frank lost.  The final tally was seven votes to one.

Oh, and if you don’t like the boot in the picture, neither do we.  If you win pick from any style you like on our site.  One randomly chosen winner will be announced December 6, 2006.  So head on over to the Snug Harness and create an account.

Meet The Staff: Luke Allsage

We here at the Snug Harness would like to introduce you to one of our highly knowledgeable salesman. So let’s begin the analysis of Luke Allsage.

Born in the Midwest, a young Luke Allsage has always been a ladies’ man. Frank and Luke are like peas in a pod, but not the same pod, that would be… you know… unmanly. Frank and Luke regularly frequent the local saloons in search of the fairer sex. Luke usually enters the drinking establishments, while Frank regularly hangs out by the dumpsters. Like Batman & Robin, they continue their pursuit for love. If anyone is interested in this dynamic duo, let us know.

Some say Luke had a calling for fall protection, others say he was in desperate need of a job. Who knows? All that matters is that he’s here, and he knows his stuff. Luke knows fall protection like Frank knows aged whole milk.

His first day on the job was marred by a slight concussion and a whopping $0.15 sales day, but by the end of the week he was up to a solid dollar, and the rest is pretty much history.

Now he lives the high life basking in the glow of all his bling, and gorging daily on fine Wisconsin food such as, meat, cheese, and cheap domestic beer. He lives in central Wisconsin and hunts deer, bigfoot, rabbits, small children, and barely attractive women.

So, for all your fall protection and dating needs give Luke a call @ 888-549-1700.

Fall Protection Dictionary: Snug Harness

As a service to you, we here at the Snug Harness break down some of the useful terminology and make fun of some of the stupid names that sales guys use for their fall protection. So, without any further ado, let’s pull out a word from the Word Sack:

Snug Harness:

Definition: A snug harness is a warm and cozy place, where strategic parts of the body are pressurized just past the point of feeling. It is often accompanied by itching and frequent body adjustments. See Also; an online store specializing in fall protection.

Word Origin: Who knows where this name comes from? Actually I have some good ideas, but we’ll keep it above the waist.

Analysis: The Snug Harness is a terrible name for an online store selling fall protection. Seriously. What is this? The home for every pervert with a whip? Sounds more like a club of ill refute than a respectable place of business.

When I told my Mother what the name of the new store was she spit out her coffee at me. Of course I wasn’t wearing pants at the time so who knows. All I know is that I had third degree burns on my nipples for five weeks. Which really turned off the ladies. I went from thirty girls a week to like twelve. (Editor’s Note: These numbers are unsubstantiated, and our research indicates that the numbers are closer to zero and negative five.)

So let me re-affirm to everyone that the Snug Harness is not a brothel, to my knowledge, it’s a respectable business that sells fall protection to individuals working at heights. Much to my disappointment, they do not sell swords and shields for individuals that fear autumn.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that burn victims are undesirable to women. I haven’t been able to ask any ladies how it really makes them feel.

Similar Terms:
The Muscle Muzzle
The Body Thong
The Rusty Saddle
The Pinched Ball (only kidding!)

Word Associations:

Snug Harness: He was my favorite American Gladiator.
Snug Harness: You mean lederhosen?
Snug Harness: Does it come with Vaseline?

So, there you have it. You’ve learned very little about our new online store. I hope you appreciated our dissection of another fall protection word, and we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.